what even is the sanctity of marriage anyhow?

There's a term that I hear thrown around a lot: sanctity. The sanctity of marriage. The sanctity of life. Sanctity basically means sacred and holy. If something possesses sanctity it is of the utmost importance. Now, the sanctity of life totally makes sense to me. Each and every life is sacred and important, and that value should be at the core of our society. The "sanctity of marriage" term started to be thrown around a lot especially when people started freaking out about gay marriage. It was outside the traditional definition and therefore threatened the sanctity of the institution. Now, regardless of your own beliefs on the matter, let's really look at the "sanctity" of the marriage deal, because I personally think it doesn't really exist. Actually, I think its something that can exist ideally, but for the most part hasn't shown up that much.

What we think of as marriage is really what marriage has been in the last 100 or 150 years. I used to think it would be cool to have lived in a different time, but I am seriously glad that I live in the 21st century. As a woman, living in any other time would kind of really suck. When I think about the life I have, getting to have my own individuality, pursuing education, getting to make decisions about my relationships and where I live and what I do for a career...ya that didn't use to exist for us of the female persuasion. And marriage, for the vast, vast majority of history, was not the union of two equals who decide to live their lives together. Legally and socially, women were not equals. They were not able to make decisions about themselves or their families. Throughout their whole lives they would have been defined by two things: either someone's daughter, or someone's wife. Men took charge over their families and women and children were legally chattels. If you don't know, chattel is the legal term for personal possessions, or property other than real estate. A wife was a personal possession of her husband. That was marriage. That was a "proper"  marriage. 

Where's the sanctity? I see no sacredness in being a chattel.  And if that was sanctity, we must have destroyed it when women became legal persons in Canada in 1929 and offset the whole balance of the operation. We have completely redefined marriage as a culture. If you think that there is continuity of what marriage has been throughout all these years of people on earth, you are disillusioned. It isn't a glorious institution that has stood the test of time. Just because we call it the same word doesn't mean we are truly referring to the same thing.

How can an operation that was completely controlled by one sex, that gave dominion over the other in a legally binding relationship, give us the idea that it has this ancient sanctity? 

Personally, I think that in the last 100ish years we've had it the most right. I think we finally have the idea of what a marriage should be, and that the marriages people enter into now are the most meaningful. Because they don't have to, but they choose to. There might be a sanctity of two people choosing to love each other because they really want to. But the historical reality of marriage, the institution that was practiced for thousands of years, I believe is a display of  corrupted sanctity.

So let's not pretend we truly understand what holiness is, because obviously we're still figuring it out.

Is everyone a little bit godly?

My interpretations of terms such as "holy", "godly" and "righteous" have changed dramatically over the years as I grow as a person. The term "godly" has come to be known as "devout" and "churchgoing" which is unfortunate because I really don't think that is the biblical meaning of it. I am no theologian or biblical scholar, but I am a girl who's spent the better part of 20 years journeying through a God-focused existence. And from the way I see it, "godly" means to have the characteristics of God. The representation of that in the New Covenant world is Jesus. He had a killer personality. He was a political rebel and a hippy. He spent the vast majority of his time with people that the general society completely disregarded and broke A LOT of the religious rules of the time. He changed the focus from what the rules said to what the meaning behind the rules really was. 

Check out the sweet flow on the guy

Take murder for example. Clearly outlined in the Old Testament as a no-no. But when Jesus comes, he says no, it's not about the rules anymore, folks. Hatred is evil. Hatred is a no-no. And you can't hate someone and hurt them in any manner of ways up until the point of murder and have that be ok. Thou shall not murder doesn't mean thou shall not murder. It means thou shall not hate. Same with adultery. Its not like adultery is some special, set-apart issue that has it's own significance from anything else. Really, its thou shall not lust. Lust is bad. Lust is the issue. Jesus, and Paul too, like to get to the root of the issue. 

I've talked before about how I think God cares about our hearts more than our actions, and this is just more of that. If you don't commit adultery (which, as an unmarried woman, I couldn't even if I wanted to) it's not like that principle doesn't apply to you. Because the actual act of adultery isn't the point! It's what's going on behind it. The Lust. Lust is icky. Lust is dishonouring to another human being. Lust is seeing a person as an object for pleasure as opposed to a human being worthy of love and respect. 

You see the difference between rule-following and godly living? In Galations chapter 3 and 4, Paul talks about rules 'n stuff. He says how the law was important and necessary in the days of the Old Testament, like how it's important to have rules with a child. These rules help to keep them from harm and to teach them basic principles. However, as children grow up into adults, the rules of their parents translate into moral knowledge that they carry with them. And Paul says that's where we're at with God now. We have the understanding, because of Jesus, to not live bound to the rules, but to connect with the meanings behind them and implement those meanings into our lives. 

So what is "godly" then? Right after Paul is done talking about how rules have changed, he outlines godly living: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law." 

Can godly characteristics be displayed by non-Christians? Yeah of course. There's really no debate about that. Anyone can display any number of those traits. Then, by that logic, can non-Christians be godly people? Oooooooooh I'm stepping into bad territory now. Conservative Christians everywhere are picking up their pitchforks. It's ok guys, you can believe whatever you want. It's possible I know nothing. But yeah, I think people with a godly character are found in many places, because God is found in many places. Everywhere, in fact. It's possible that God is equally as active in bars and in airports as he is in churches, no? 

If a person does not have an understanding of traditional Christianity but abounds in such traits, are they a godly person? Can a person be both a Christian and be ungodly? 

 

Religion is so $#@%&*! stupid

I've been called a lot of things because of my belief in God and the life I live as a result of it. Some people call me sweet, or kind, or compassionate. Some people call me dedicated or interesting. Some people think that it's "cool" or they say "well that's good for you". Some people treat that area of my life with complete indifference and that is just fine and good with me. But my all-time fav is when people call me so $#@%&*! stupid. 

According to these people, religion and people that adhere to any belief system are so $#@%&*! stupid because obviously religion is a man made trap that has caused nothing but conflict in the world. They think it's so $#@%&*! stupid that someone would spend their life following the idea that some supernatural, unexplained power exists. The definitely find it so $#@%&*! stupid that anyone still goes to church these days. Like, c'mon guys, grow up and stop being so $#@%&*! stupid. 

Of course, if someone holds these aforementioned views, they have every right to. And I love talking to people of different faiths and philosophical backgrounds, because those conversations always yield new understandings. However, people that have philosophical ideas counter to mine often regard my ideas as being incorrect in some way but rarely, if ever, refer to them as being so $#@%&*! stupid. Because calling anything so $#@%&*! stupid often leads to less than intellectually stimulating conversations. In fact, calling things so $#@%&*! stupid often leads to the creation and perpetuation of negative attitudes towards certain people. 

The Spanish conquistadors thought than Incas in South America were so  $#@%&*! stupid. The Nazi regime thought that the Jewish population were so  $#@%&*! stupid. The Crusaders thought that Muslims in The Holy Lands were so $#@%&*! stupid. The slave traders in the United States considered people of colour to be so $#@%&*! stupid. The conservative Christian community considered people in the gay community to be so $#@%&*! stupid. 

Now that is really $#@%&*! stupid. 

You know whats really $#@%&*!  nice though? When people treat other people with mutual respect despite their differences. When people can have the understanding that maybe they don't see other peoples perspectives. When people can put aside their arrogance and consider the possibility that maybe the way they live their lives isn't actually so much better than those around them. Cause ya never know, you might be wrong. I might be wrong. We could all be wrong. 

When you call something so $#@%&*! stupid, you are perpetuating the negative attitudes that have caused problems worldwide since the beginning of time. 

The only thing in this world that is so $#@%&*! stupid is when anyone says that anything is so $#@%&*! stupid. So how about everyone just respectfully agrees to disagree and instead we're nice to each other. 

Bye.

Today Will Always Be A Good Day

I've been warned to not reveal too much personal information on the internet. It's a perfectly valid concern, because privacy on the internet is not a real thing. And although there are some things I believe people should keep to themselves, I think that there is great value and beauty in vulnerability. 

Exactly one year ago today, 18 year old me was in a hospital room and I had given up fighting. Every day was an unbearable struggle. A crushing weight existed at all times. Its intensity would fluctuate, but it would never go away. Constantly trying to push myself through everyday life had become too much and I was so exhausted. My thoughts were no longer influenced by my emotions, but instead I had logically processed why it would be a better choice to just stop. I had weighed the pros and cons and there were far, far too many cons with life. I felt no joy, ever. It didn't matter if I was with my friends or family engaging in activities that I should have enjoyed. There was no joy. There was no peace. There was no light. There was only chaos. Constant chaos. I woke up to chaos, I pushed through chaos all day, and I went to bed with a head full of chaos. It wasn't worth it. And so I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. 

When the nice, warm crisis worker lady came into my room, she looked at me with such love and told me how it didn't matter much what life was like now. "You want to end your life?", she said. "You can end this life then. Start a new one. You've lived this life for 18 years and it doesn't suit you. You can do whatever you want. You can live many more lives. You give up on this life? Sure. That's fine. What will we do in your next life?" 

And she didn't mean that then and there I could just switch over. Well, sort of, but not entirely. I was reborn through that conversation and I felt, for the first time, that my life could die without me dying. July was hard, August was hard. And so was September and October and November... Have you ever walked in a snow storm with the wind in your face? You have an incredible amount of resistance with the added bonus of snow pelting you and making it so you can't see. It's not a nice thing to have to walk through a snow storm. And fighting your way through depression is sort of like that. Only you're not sure that there will be a warm house and hot chocolate in your future. You actually kind of believe that there won't be. All you can really be sure of is the continuation of the storm. And over time you develop strategies with various pieces of clothing to avoid the cold sting on your face. And maybe you can maneuver your body within your jacket to keep your hands as warm as possible. You develop an appreciation for the wind and the challenge it gives you each day. You grow to see the storm not as an enormous struggle but instead as a fact of life. And then, by some miracle, the snow can sometimes even look pretty. You don't have to brace yourself against the wind because you're strong enough to just walk through it. It's hard, man. It's not nice and I wish it on no one. It's a long process of facing horror after horror. And then you look back and realize you've walked worlds away from where you were before. At that point, something appears that hasn't been visible in oh so long: hope.

And that's were I am today: worlds away. The insurmountable problems that burdened my life a year ago are not even present in my life today. The dark prison I was trapped in is long gone, back behind me, somewhere in my path. 

Today, while I was thinking of exactly what I was celebrating, I decided that I'm not happy that I'm still alive. I mean, I am, but that's not the victory. The fact that I'm still alive is ok. But, if I wasn't still alive, that wouldn't have been my worst fate. The ultimate tragedy would be if I was still living in that hell of an existence. That is what I celebrate. That old life is dead, but me, myself, and I have built a new life. 

I honestly never thought that I would feel real joy again. Or be excited for the future. But I have found a purer joy than ever before, and I am better for it. I celebrate the fact that the worst thing that has ever happened to me turned into the greatest blessing I've ever received. 

My Qualified Report on Men

When I was a little boy I had a really hard time refraining from being a jerk. I mean, it was a natural reaction, you know? Boys are programmed to constantly do stupid things that go against all reason. It wasn't even my fault that I kept hurting other people, it was my parents fault for creating a boy instead of a girl. It's a masculine instinct to act before thinking and to not consider consequences. All men who think before they act were trained over years and years to operate in that manner. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of work to fight against manly nature. I know this because I have experienced it first hand.

I always envied girls and their ability to be naturally better people. Like all the other boys, I secretly wished that I could have been born a girl. What a life that could have been.

As a man, I know what boys must go through in order to become the people we were meant to be. I know it's hard, guys, but it's the right thing to do. I can feel your pain because I've been there. And believe me, it doesn't matter what you're thinking or feeling now. You have to fight it, everyday. We can become better people. We can be just as good as girls if we try.

On behalf of all guys, I apologize for being despicable human beings. I know we've let the world down and that jerks like us are the reason for world hunger and poverty. I urge you, men, to put yourselves down constantly and consider yourself less than others as you strive to be as good as a woman.

This is all, of course, completely invalid, seeing as I am a girl, who grew up with only sisters, and didn't speak to boys that I wasn't related to until I was like 10. I have no first hand experience with growing up as a male and the different joys and challenges that may bring. Although I've heard about boys, seen boys, known boys, been friends with boys, and been nurtured by my father and my grandfather, I have no authority to speak on what it may be like to be a boy. I'm sure that boys who read this will feel misrepresented and possibly offended by the words I have used to generalize their gender. What a shame.

The sole purpose of this picture was to get you to click on the link. Thanks, Zac.

There are so many topics and issues that people feel qualified to speak on and that is exceptionally unfortunate. We all have the freedom of speech and the right to say what we want. However, just because you can speak doesn't mean you always should speak.

I think that everyone should share their thoughts and insights because everyone sees the world through their own lens. By comparing and discussing views, we all become more educated. Everyone should feel encouraged to share their stories and life lessons and perspectives. For example, I can feel confident sharing my thoughts and experiences with depression because that is something I have dealt with in my own life. My friends could share what it was like to have a friend experience depression, but not necessarily what it is like to actually have depression. I can share what it was like growing up in the 90's, because I did. My parent's could share what it was like raising kids in the 90's, but would not have authority to speak on what it was like being a child in the 90's. My sister could share what it is like to live with a severely allergy to wheat, because that is something she personally deals with. I could share what it is like to have a sister who struggles with severe food allergies, but I cannot talk with full authority on what having a severe food allergy is like. Ya feel me?

If you listen to me talk about the personal experiences I have to share, and I listen to you talk about the personal experiences you have to share, then we both gain the knowledge of a personal experience. If I project something onto your experience that is not true, I'm an idiot and you're offended and possibly even hurt. So, in an effort to (a) not be idiots and (b) not hurt others, let's not try and be experts on things that we don't actually know about, folks.

You are a font of information. Just not on everything.

7 Things My Struggle With Depression Taught Me

1. Don't let other people determine your worth. You alone have the right, and also the responsibility, of placing worth on yourself and your life. The fact that this person or that person doesn't talk to you as much as you want them to or that you're always overshadowed by your older sibling has no bearing on how much value you have. I mean, you could let that be the measure by which you judge your self-worth, but it's a stupid way to measure it. 
   
2. Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose. Whether that's a job, a house, your prized shoe collection, or your relationship. It's unfair to yourself because whatever you're depending on could be taken from you and leave your life in ruins. It's also unfair to whatever you are placing the huge responsibility of your life's happiness on. Your shoes don't know how to handle that. They can't possibly be responsible for that big of a thing. Same goes for people. You can't have a friend or significant other be the foundation of your joy. You are setting them up for failure which will not only crush you but will also give them tremendous guilt that isn't warranted. Just don't do it. 
   
3. The person who needs to be happy with your life is you. Not your parents or your teachers or your friends. You. If you're making choices and doing things based on what other people want, it's easy to end up questioning if your life is really all that valuable. It may seem valuable in someone else's eyes, but they're not the ones who need to wake up every morning and live it. Make choices you are happy with, do things that are valuable in your eyes, and the ones who truly love you will accept that you gotta do what you gotta do. It's not easy to live a life that you don't even like. Build a life that you actually enjoy living.
   
   And by the same token:
4. You can do whatever the heck you want to with your life. If you're unhappy with something, just change it. Life is not a game you need to win and there is no slot that you have to fit in to. You are young, always. There is always more time to change it up and do whatever you want. It's your life and you have that liberty. You have no set rules to follow about what you can or cannot do with your life. You can do what you want and be who you want. To not do it is a waste of your time.
   
5. Have a variety of things happening in your life. Instead of focusing all your time and energy on one or two areas in your life, cultivate a well-rounded roster of activities and friend groups. Spending time developing and nurturing a wide variety of friendships and interests brings so much health and balance to your life.  

   

   OMGSH FRIENDS?!

6. Say no to things that are bad for you. Unhealthy relationships are poison to your soul. Take a step back from that one friendship that always brings you down and allow yourself to be free from it's grasp. Just say no, kids. It's not worth it. 



Ugh Britney, JUST SAY NO. 

7. Sometimes other people, even smart people, don't have the answer. Growing up, kids can always trust an adult to tell them what they should be doing. Parents and teachers always tell us what to do next. But there will come a time when you'll look around for directions and your parents may not have the answer for you. Sometimes, no one can tell you what your next step is. Sometimes, you need to depend on yourself and you have to decide what to do. So don't let people trick you into thinking that they have your answers, and don't look for your answer in other people. 

   

   Jks we really don't ever know.

The Most Exciting, Challenging, and Significant Relationship You'll Ever Have

Carrie Bradshaw said it best: "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first."

Many moons ago, I was talking to a wiser woman about what I think is truly important in life. My main assertion was that living through love is what it all comes down to. She looked at me quite seriously and spoke words that would forever change my life.

"Love is most important?"
"Yes."
"Wouldn't that also mean loving yourself?"

I had actually, truly never thought of it that way.

I wrestled with the idea of humility for a long time as a teenager, not knowing how highly I should consider myself without putting myself above others. But that's not humility at all. Humility is not degrading yourself. You are supposed to respect yourself, to love yourself unconditionally, and to treasure who you are. As said by C.S. Lewis, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." You are of tremendous value as an individual, and you should fully appreciate that. Humility is making room in your life to appreciate the wonderful, beautiful creations that other people are too.

Becoming your own best friend is of extremely high importance. You have to spend your whole life with you. So you may as well reconcile your problems and start working on developing a healthy relationship.

This means putting yourself first. But wait! That's selfish right? Nuh-uh. Actually, no. It's not.
Your health, well-being, and sanity should always be your number one priority.
If you don't take care of yourself, guess what happens? You start falling apart emotionally, mentally, and physically. And guess who has to step in and help you clean yourself up? The people close to you.
So do everyone a favour, and pay attention to you.

If you fall apart, you lose all functionality. If you have to focus on yourself to get your head on straight, do it. Picking up a couple pieces every now and then is way easier for everyone compared to having to pick up all the pieces at once. When you care for yourself, you can care for others so. much. better.

Do you love the people around you? Your children, your siblings, your friends? One of the best things you can do for them is to teach them how to love themselves from watching your example. You can tell them how beautiful and wonderful they are all day, but it won't make a difference if you treat yourself badly. People learn from what they observe. Actions.

What it comes down to is that you can't properly give love or experience love without knowing how to love yourself. You can't respect without knowing how to respect yourself. You can't commit to successful relationships without first having a healthy relationship with yourself. You can't care for others if you don't care for yourself.

But you shouldn't treat yourself well just for the benefit of others, you should do it for you.

Like I said before, you're stuck with you for your whole life. You can decide to be your greatest ally or your greatest enemy. And I don't know about you, but I would rather have a ally inside my head than an enemy.

Nobody is going to "complete you". Ew. Gross. Excuse me while I go vomit. Partners in life are great. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, best friends... they're all fantastic. But nobody, nobody, is going to fill any sort of void in you. That romantic nonsense doesn't exist. It's your job to be a complete person. If you feel incomplete, get to work. Because you've got to become a complete person if you ever want to have any sort of healthy relationship. And if your happiness and self worth depends on someone else, you will be disappointed. Constantly.

And you know what's lovely. You can be a whole, complete, beautiful, dynamic, happy, competent individual. It is 100% achievable. Falling in love with yourself is not narcissistic. Falling in love with yourself for the beautifully messy person you are is the greatest romance of all. And if you can love yourself like that, you can really do anything.