Forgiveness: Not Just For God.

I find it hard to accept happiness sometimes. I question it. I think it's badness masquerading as happiness. I prepare myself for the inevitable pain hiding around the corner. I can't trust life anymore because it has deceived me and wounded me so many times. But happiness exists. It really truly does. True joy exists, real love exists, and pure happiness is a real thing. And I know this as a fact because righteousness wins the world in the end. And it's not that life is always rainbows and butterflies, because it's not. There is good and bad. But there is good, truly. It's at least half of life. Life is not safe and things are challenging, but love and happiness and goodness are real. Very real. 

And yes, life disappoints you. I'm sure it has disappointed you in one way or another. I know it's disappointed me. Things let you down. Evil is a real thing, and people do make mistakes. Between those two things happening, life can dish out a lot of pain. But that does not have to dictate the rest of your life. Through your troubles, life is put into perspective and you become wiser. Wisdom is often a gift that comes at a price. But look, sweetie. You don't have to colour everything black. Some things are truly nice. You have the ability to revel in the good and dismiss the bad. Badness is bad but you do have the power to dismiss it. That is what forgiveness is for. Forgiveness is acknowledging there is badness and then deciding to magically wipe it away. We have that power, that is what forgiveness is. We have the power to erase the bad in our lives. How wonderful a gift forgiveness is. 

And yeah, life would be nicer if we didn't have to forgive. But that's not an option. We have the choice to hold onto the things that bring us down, reminding us of our pain and the injustice that caused them. That is certainly the easier option. We can hold onto it, hoping one day for things to be made right. For the apologies to come. For life to somehow balance out. Or, we can decide to balance the scales ourselves. To absolve the wrong. 

I am mad at life a lot. I'm angry that I've had to face the things I've had to face. I resent my depression and all the things it stole from me without my permission. That's the thing about illness, it never asks your opinion before taking over. It just comes along and does what it wants. And I hate it for that. I hate it so much for all the personal damage it did in my life. But you know what? There's not a single thing I can do about that. It really really sucks. Really. And I wish I could make it pay for what it did to me. But I can't. And when I rehash all the dirty details and I get angry, irritated, and miserable, it doesn't hurt anyone else except for me. Actually, that's a lie. It hurts my family, my boyfriend, and my friends. But it doesn't change my situation. Only forgiveness can do that. The decision to pardon the past.

So forgive yourself. Forgive your feelings and your thoughts. Forgive the things that you've done and the ways that you've felt. Forgive the people that have intentionally hurt you and the people who were simply indifferent towards you. Forgive yourself for letting their indifference hurt you so much. Forgive the life situations that you couldn't change. Forgive illness and pain. It can no longer take hold of you if you forgive it. Forgive your loved ones for the times when they do the wrong thing, and forgive yourself for the times you do the wrong thing. 

And then, when you have erased the evil in your life, live today unhindered by that which was dragging you down. When you erase others' badness towards you, they are a clean slate. There is no reason for their past to influence their future with you. They are new people in your eyes, full of opportunity, purity, and hope.  

You have the power to make life pure and unmarked. Forgive and wipe it all away. You are the one holding you back. If you are missing the joy and contentment in your life, take a real good look at what you're holding onto.